The relief and ease of growing older

one of the greatest most relieving things about growing up or as they say -growing older- is... You can let go of the anxious drive to

FINALLY BE SOMEBODY.

"For CHRIST FUCKING SAKE JANE you have to get MUCH MUCH better at all these talents and skills you have (or wish you had more of) so that you can FINALLY BE SOMEBODY and FINALLY BE LOVED / REVERED and/or SECURE!!!!"

So much stress scheming anxiety and fight-within over all of those things

and the more GROWN UP I get the less I seem to strive to MAKE something of myself and the more I simply CREATE watch enjoy in curiosity OF WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME.

growing up "lets me off the hook" so to speak

So that I can create and connect with others because I LOVE TO!!!!! Purely Not because doing these things or talking to these certain people will FINALLY LET ME MAKE something of myself.

Growing up lets me sink into love connection and my environment without always placing value on it "is this worth my time? are YOUUUUUUU worth my moment? Will you get me anything? I am trying to BE SOMEBODY dont ya know!

how EXHAUSTING that was!

Now I can just chill wonder muse and create like a child again

growing up is the difference between MAKE something and CREATE something

to CREATE is pure listening and responding

to MAKE is to GET cause you don't have so YOU BETTER GET IT OR ELSE...!!! ( and where does ego threats to create ever get us?)

Growing up reminds me that I don't have to BE SOMEBODY it reminds me of the obvious I already am somebody and that somebody is a mystery to me....so the constant wishing and STRIVING to be somebody is kinda pointless I already am what I am going to be. and that is a mystery.