Why we should Never ever THREATEN break UP
If I could give just one piece of advise to couples everywhere it would be.... to vow to one another to.... NEVER EVER THREATEN BREAK UP.
Discuss break up all you like. It's wonderfully healthy to be able to courageously consider all options of coupledom together. Discussing break up can be healthy as fuck. It sometimes leads to actual separation and other times brings you fearlessly closer together.
But never THREATEN BREAK UP.
The difference is-
threatening break up occurs in the heat of upset and conflict.
It is the egos defence technique to gain power over the other partner. It is not even remotely real. When people threaten break up in an argument, they are basically saying," I feel so powerless that the only way I can gain power is by threatening abandonment. I can't seem to say how I really feel so I will threaten to leave you so you will be forced to react to me because I am afraid and confused"
0.000001% of break ups actually stick when they are declared in the heat of conflict.
The only way you will actually separate is through a number of soul searching conversations:
and not as a direct result of threatening abandonment. Thats just your asshole ego talking.
It doesn't get you what you think you want anyway. All it does is increase the trauma in an already painful situation.
So please ... all couples... repeat after me...
"I am sorry for those times I threatened you with break up when we were fighting. That was my immature response to my inner turmoil, and not about you at all. I promise to NEVER do that again, and if I do...I promise to take it back as soon as possible. Feel free to call me on this should it happen again. The only way I will ever bring up splitting with you is in a rational conversation that considers the deep love we share."