Defense means stop. When in conflict with someone... Defense means stop and reestablish safety, before we go on trying to air our upset. When we are sharing painful information with each other... and you or I become defensive... why not slow down, pause and re-establish safety before we go on...? We're dealing with the most sensitive traumatized parts of one another, so it makes sense to go slow. It makes sense that defense will come up. I think it wise to expect it, and eve

Learning to tell the difference between a FEAR that says... FUCK NO I won't do that NOT okay with me. NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOO and a fear that says... "Yikes!...I can think of a lot of reasons not to to do this!!! but maybe I ACTUALLY WANT TO...???" ... Has been one of the hardest won lessons of my life. (that I still have to practice) One of these fears says FUCK NO -THATS NOT ME and the other says OH FUCK- I WISH THAT WAS ME....BUT I AM TO SCARED TO MAKE IT ME!!!!