The relief and ease of growing older

January 9, 2018

 

one of the greatest most relieving things about growing up or as they say 
-growing older- is... 
You can let go of the anxious drive to

FINALLY BE SOMEBODY.

"For CHRIST FUCKING SAKE JANE 
you have to get MUCH MUCH better 
at all these talents and skills you have
(or wish you had more of) 
so that you can FINALLY BE SOMEBODY and FINALLY BE LOVED / REVERED and/or SECURE!!!!"

So much stress 
scheming
anxiety 
and fight-within 
over all of those things

and the more GROWN UP I get
the less I seem to strive to MAKE something of myself 
and the more I simply CREATE
watch 
enjoy
in curiosity 
OF WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME.

growing up 
"lets me off the hook" so to speak

So that I can create and connect with others 
because I LOVE TO!!!!!
Purely
Not because doing these things
or talking to these certain people
will FINALLY LET ME
MAKE something of myself.

Growing up lets me
sink into love 
connection 
and my environment
without always placing value on it
"is this worth my time? are YOUUUUUUU worth my moment?
Will you get me anything? I am trying to BE SOMEBODY dont ya know!

how EXHAUSTING that was!

Now I can just chill 
wonder 
muse 
and create like a child again

growing up is the difference between MAKE something
and CREATE something

to CREATE
is pure listening and responding

to MAKE
is to GET
cause you don't have
so YOU BETTER GET IT
OR ELSE...!!! 
( and where does ego threats to create ever get us?)

Growing up reminds me that I don't have to BE SOMEBODY
it reminds me
of the obvious
I already am somebody
and that somebody is a mystery to me....so the constant wishing and STRIVING to be somebody is kinda pointless
I already am what I am going to be. 
and that is a mystery.

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