Friends to call up and cry to are very very important because often what we are crying about is our
Sex buddies ...
And even though these
Are connected to you in some of the deepest ways possible...
if they are good partners
they will be there for you and supportive of you in also
Some of the deepest ways possible
But support you when you are crying confused and traumatized by something they have done?
No no no that is not their job
And if fact, if you call them up and freak the fuck out on them
Crying confused and traumatized
Spewing at them all the mind junk you've made their actions mean
Well no matter what they've done
That's your " fuck up "
99.9% of the time you will make the situation much much worse
Your brain needs to sort it out first
And that's not their job to help u do.
That's way to much work for one little heart no matter how horrible they've been.
You're expecting your lover to be
1. equanimous about something they probably have extremely mixed feelings about
2. Supportive of you whilst simultaneously being attacked by you.
The odds of actually supporting you without becoming triggered themselves is next to impossible.
So call up your friends and let it all out !!
Call up a friend who can
1. Empathise with you and hold your heart in your pain
2. Tell you how YOU contribute to the dynamic so your spew isn't one-sided
3. Brainstorm your next step towards healing and understanding
This way, when you do tell your lover
About how much of a dick rag
narcissistic douche pot they've been
You'll have calmed
You'll have clarity
1. What you made their behaviour mean about u ( I'm not lovable/good enough...)
2. How u contributed to the dynamic ( maybe you're a whining needy fart monster????)
3. Possible next steps to create new ways of relating.
Yes....It takes a whole community to heal lovers